Daria: The 7th Season
by Neo-Queen Terra of Crystal Tok
Summary: Does it seem like Daria is turning into a Soap Opera? Well, I did turn it into a Soap Opera. It's funny. Please R&R!
1. Default Chapter

I wrote this a long time ago and decided to bring it back up. So bear with some of the stuff in it and don't take it that seriously. If you do, you're a freak.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Daria, but I do own this fan-fic. Take it and die!!!!  
  
WARNING: It is a soap opera. Humorous purposes only.   
  
centerDaria: The 7th Season  
Episode 1  
"Phone Calls"  
  
Opening Theme  
It Wasn't Me  
Sung by. Shaggy  
  
Honey came in and she caught me re-handed  
Creeping with the girl next door  
Picture this we were both butt-naked  
Banging on the bathroom floor  
How can I forget  
That I had given her an extra key  
All this time she standing there  
She never took her eye off me/center  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene One  
The Lane's kitchen  
  
(Quinn and Katie are sitting at the table. Jane is going through the fringe.)  
  
Jane: Did you guys see the bowl of pudding in here?  
  
Quinn: There was pudding in there?  
  
Jane: Yeah! It was for my next piece.  
  
(Katie start to laugh)  
  
Jane: What did you do to it?  
  
Katie: I sent it by mail to some one.  
  
Quinn: I hope you didn't do what I think you did.  
  
Katie: Yes, I did. It will be arriving some time tomorrow.  
  
Quinn: Why do you do this things to your Uncle Tom?  
  
Katie: Because he is the biggest bunghole in the world.  
  
Quinn: KATIE!  
  
(the phone rings)  
  
Katie: I'll get it. (picks up the phone) Hello. Lane's house.  
  
Trent on the other end of the phone: Hey princess.  
  
Katie: DADDY!  
  
Trent: Can I speak to your mother?  
  
Katie: I want to talk to you.  
  
Trent: (laughs and then coughs) I will talk to you later. I need to talk to Quinn.  
  
Katie: Okay. If you promise you call me later.  
  
Trent: I promise.  
  
Katie: Mommy, it's for you.  
  
Quinn: (take the phone from Katie) Hi, Trent. How are things in New York?  
  
Trent: Good. How are you?  
  
Quinn: I'm fine. I went to the doctors yesterday because I wasn't feeling good for awhile.  
  
Trent: And?  
  
Quinn: And I'm pregnant.  
  
Trent: Cool. Got to go. Late for work.  
  
Quinn: How do you know that?  
  
Trent: They gave me a free pager. Got to go, later.  
  
Quinn: Bye.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Two  
Sloane's Living Room  
  
(Daria is sitting on the couch looking over some layouts for the next Fashion Club magazine)  
  
(Tom walks in)  
  
Tom: Hello honey. What do you got there?  
  
Daria: Some layouts for the next magazine.  
  
Tom: I got to go to work. Oh yeah! I'm going to be late tonight.  
  
Daria: Okay. I was going to look over some fan mail, anyway.  
  
Tom: Okay. (kisses Daria) Bye.  
  
Daria: Bye.  
  
(Tom leaves. The phone rings and Daria picks it up.)  
  
Daria: Hello. Sloane's resident.  
  
Upchuck on the other end of the phone: Hello, my feisty lady.  
  
Daria: I told you not to call here. What happens if Tom find out?  
  
Upchuck: He wont. Besides, I like to live dangerously. Grrrr.  
  
Daria: (laughs) Stop it.  
  
Upchuck: I want you to come over and make sweet, sweet love to me.  
  
Daria: Be there in 10 minutes.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Three  
Mr. Barch's Kindergarten Class Room  
  
Mr. Barch: Okay class. Today we are going to learn about the letter N. Can any of you tell me   
what starts with the letter N?  
  
(silence)  
  
Mr. Barch: Katie, can you tell me something that starts with letter N?  
  
Katie: Nothing.  
  
Mr. Barch: Katie, can you give me an answer, please?  
  
Katie: Nothing starts with a N.  
  
Mr. Barch: There are plenty of things that starts with in a N.  
  
Katie: You don't understand. Nothing begin with a N. Do I have to spell it out for you? N-o-t-h-i-n-g. Nothing.  
  
Mr. Barch: Oh! Is there problems at home?  
  
Katie: No. There's a problem with school.  
  
Mr. Barch: I think I should call your parents.  
  
Katie: I didn't do anything wrong! I answered your stupid question.  
  
Mr. Barch: We don't use that kind of language here.  
  
Katie: (to herself) This is supposed to be the best grade in school. I hate to see the worst.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Four  
Jane's Room  
  
(Jane's is painting Quinn who is on a chair)  
  
Quinn: How much longer will it take?  
  
Jane: Not much longer.  
  
Quinn: This is worth more than 500 dollars.  
  
Jane: Done.  
  
(Quinn gets up and looks at the picture.)  
  
Quinn: That doesn't look a thing like me.  
  
Jane: It isn't suppose to.  
  
Quinn: Then, why did you make me sit here?  
  
Jane: You set the mood for it.  
  
Quinn: And what does that mean?  
  
Jane: I needed bad aura.  
  
Quinn: I'm leaving, now.  
  
(Quinn leave. Phone brings to ring. Rings 5 times and hangs up.)  
  
Jane: If it was important, they will call one more time.  
  
(Phone rings and Jane puts up)  
  
Jane: You have reach the number of Jane Lane. Press 1 for the artist Jane Lane. Press 2 for wrong number. Press 3 for La Casa Lane. Press 4 for Terra Smith, my alter ego. Press 5 for the voices in my head. Press 6 for Hank, my spilt personalty. Press 7 for Jane Lane, manic depressive. Press 8 for repeat.  
  
Jane's Boyfriend: I want to talk to Terra Smith.  
  
Jane: Terra is not here right now. She is on a date, but you can talk to the voices in my head.  
  
Jane's Boyfriend: The last time I talked to them, I found out that half of them wanted to kill you.  
  
Jane: How about Hank?  
  
Jane's Boyfriend: He always talks about making out with you. I want to talk to Jane Lane.  
  
Jane: Jane Lane is busy right now, if you leave your name and number after the beep, I'm may or may not get back to you. Beep.  
  
Jane's Boyfriend: My dad finally kicked me out and I need a place to crash for awhile.  
  
Jane: And how are you getting here?  
  
Jane's Boyfriend: I can drive.  
  
Jane: In who's and what car?  
  
Jane's Boyfriend: Mine.  
  
Jane: And when did you get a car?  
  
Jane's Boyfriend: I got a week, ago.  
  
Jane: With who's and what money?  
  
Ray: I hijacked it actually, but it sounds new.  
  
Jane: Make sure you charge you phone all the way. I bet you will be need it.  
  
Jane's Boyfriend: How much?  
  
Jane: 50 dollars.  
  
Jane's Boyfriend: Okay. Be there in a hour and make sure you have the money.  
  
Jane: Later.  
  
Jane's Boyfriend: Later.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Five  
Upchuck's bedroom  
  
(Daria and Upchuck are in the bed)  
  
Upchuck: Was that as good for you as it was for me? Grrrr.  
  
Daria: It was best I had for a long time.  
  
Upchuck: But what about last week?  
  
Daria: That was a long time ago. You are the best.  
  
Upchuck: I know, I know.  
  
(The phone rings and Upchuck puts it up. Daria gets up and goes to the bathroom.)  
  
Upchuck: Upchuck's love shack.  
  
Tom on the other end: Hey, Upchuck. We need to talk.  
  
Upchuck: Hello, my favorite client.  
  
Tom: I'm not calling for that. I calling about the business.  
  
(Daria comes out of the bathroom fully dress)  
  
Daria: (whispers in Upchuck ear) Bye.  
  
Upchuck: Bye, my love goddess. Grrrr.  
  
(Daria leaves)  
  
Tom: Who was that?  
  
Upchuck: One of my girls.  
  
Tom: Do you get the shipment, yet?  
  
Upchuck: It came last night while I was making sweet love.  
  
Tom: I didn't need to know that. Anyway, the buyer will be coming over tonight.  
  
Upchuck: Which buyer will this be?  
  
Tom: A new one.  
  
Upchuck: Male or female?  
  
Tom: They didn't say. Got to go.  
  
Upchuck: Bye.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Six  
Lane's Living Room  
  
(Katie is lying on her stomach on the couch with her feet in the air and she is writing something.)  
  
Katie: What rhymes with brain? Ummmm.... (pondering) Train!  
  
(Jane walks in)  
  
Jane: What are you doing?  
  
Katie: Writing.  
  
Jane: What?  
  
Katie: A letter.  
  
Jane: To whom?  
  
Katie: To my favorite uncle.  
  
Jane: Let me see that. (grabs the notebook from Katie) I wish your brain gets run over by a train. Let me guess you are going to send this to Tom?  
  
Katie: Not this one. It is too good for him. I was going to write it on the computer, burn the edges, spit on it, find some dog...  
  
Jane: I get your point.  
  
Katie: Then, it's ready to ship to him.  
  
Jane: Are you sure your parents are Quinn and Trent?  
  
Katie: Positive.  
  
(The doorbell rings and Jane leaves the room and comes back in a minute with her boyfriend.)  
  
Jane: Guess, who is here?  
  
Katie: Some unimportant person that I don't care about.  
  
Jane's Boyfriend: Nobody cares about me anymore.  
  
Jane: That is the truth.  
  
Katie: What is your name, again? Jay, Kay, Pay, Say, Day, Gay, Hay, Lay, Bay, or May.  
  
Ray: Those aren't names and it's Ray.  
  
Katie: Close even.  
  
Jane: Ray's staying with us for awhile.  
  
Katie: Did you ask your parents? If they are coming home tomorrow and if they see a stranger, I wont be responsible of what happens.  
  
Jane: My parents are coming!  
  
Katie: They called weeks ago and there's a note on the fringe.  
  
Jane: There's a note!  
  
Katie: Oh! Yeah. Wind's got divorced again. So, he's coming. Adrain and Courtney decide to take a ride and didn't come back home. Penny needs more supplies which you can only get here. So, I hate to be the bearer of bad new. Everyone is basically coming home, except for daddy.  
  
Jane: NNNNoooo!!!!  
  
(Quinn walks in)  
  
Quinn: I just got off the phone with your teacher.  
  
Katie: Everything he said is a lie. A lie, I tell you, A LIE!  
  
Quinn: So, you're not a good student and smart?  
  
Katie: Oh! I'm all that, but when a teacher calls it means I'm in trouble.  
  
Quinn: Okay, you're in trouble.  
  
(The phone rings)  
  
Katie: I get it.  
  
(Runs it the kitchen and picks up the phone.)  
  
Katie: Hello! Lane's house. Katie speaking.  
  
Trent on the other end: Hey, princess.  
  
Katie: DADDY!  
  
Trent: How are things?  
  
Katie: Fine. Guess what?  
  
Trent: What?  
  
Katie: The weird grandparents are coming.  
  
Trent: Which grandparents are they?  
  
Katie: Your parents and so is Uncle Wind, and Aunt Penny.  
  
Trent: Lucky, I'm not there.  
  
Katie: Why did you call?  
  
Trent: I promised you I will called and I did.  
  
Katie: You're not going to talk to mom?  
  
Trent: No, only you.  
  
Katie: Yeah!  
  
Trent: (laughs and cough) So, what do you what to talk about?  
  
(The camera zoom out to the house and you can hear them still talking, but barely.)  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
centerStaring (In the order they appear)/center  
  
Katie Some girl we found on the street. It is amazing she can act to.  
Quinn Quinn Morgendorffer  
Jane Jane Lane  
Trent Trent Lane  
Daria Jennifer Love-Hewitt  
Tom Tom Sloane  
Upchuck Charles Ruttherimer III  
Mr. Barch Timothy O'Neill  
Ray Some dude of the streets  
  
Writer Neo-Queen Terra of Crystal Tokyo  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Sorry but we couldn't get Daria Morgendorffer. She refused to do the bed scenes. 


	2. 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Daria or Dragonball Z. So, why am I writing this. Oh yeah! It is a fan-fic.   
Duh!  
  
center"Daria: The 7th Season"  
Episode Two  
"Family Values"  
  
The opening theme  
"It Wasn't Me"  
Sung by. Shaggy  
  
Honey came in and she caught me red-handed  
Creeping with the girl next door  
Picture this we were both butt-naked  
Banging on the bathroom floor  
How could I forget  
That I had given her an extra key  
All this time she was standing there  
She never took her eyes off me/center  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene One  
Lane's Living Room  
  
(Katie is watching t.v. and Wind walks in)  
  
Wind: (whining) Why did Sally leave me? (starts crying and sit down next to Katie)  
  
Katie: Stop it. I'm watching t.v.  
  
Wind: (still whining) What time is it?  
  
Katie: 5.  
  
Wind:(freaked) Oprah's on!  
  
Katie: (annoyed) Touch the remote and die.  
  
Wind: (freaked, whining) But, it's Oprah!  
  
Katie: And this is Dragonball Z and Trunks is on.  
  
Wind: What?  
  
Katie: It's the coolest show on the planet and Trunks is the cutest guy.  
  
Wind: Who is that green dude?  
  
Katie: Piccolo. He's pretty cool.  
  
Wind: Why does that guy has three eyes?  
  
Katie: Shut up and just watch.  
  
Wind: Okay.  
  
(Quinn walks in)  
  
Quinn: What are you watching?  
  
Katie and Wind: Quiet!  
  
Quinn: Oh! It's 5. I know what you're watching.  
  
Katie and Wind: Shh!  
  
Quinn: All right. I leaving. I don't want my head blow off.  
  
(Quinn leaves. The camera follow her into the kitchen, where Amanda Lane is at the table.)  
  
Amanda: Hello, Quinn dear, can you please get the pudding out of the cabinet?  
  
Quinn: Okay.  
  
(Quinn goes to the cabinet and takes out a package of pudding and gives it to Amanda)  
  
Amanda: Thank you.  
  
(Vincent Lane walks in)  
  
Vincent: Hello. Who are you, again?  
  
Amanda: This is our son's wife.  
  
Vincent: One of Wind's wives  
  
Quinn: I'm Trent's wife.  
  
Vincent: Trent's married. When did that happen?  
  
Quinn: 5 years ago.  
  
Vincent: I was out of the country for awhile wasn't I?  
  
Quinn: You were at the wedding.  
  
Vincent: I was. I don't remember it.  
  
Amanda: Remember. She was pregnant with Katie.  
  
Vincent: Now I remember. Where's Trent, anyway?  
  
Quinn: In New York.  
  
Vincent: Why is he there?  
  
Quinn: He won a job as a VJ.  
  
Vincent: At least, he's not in that band.  
  
Amanda: He still is in it.  
  
(Penny walks in)  
  
Penny: Where do you find straws in this town?  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Two  
An abandoned warehouse  
  
(Upchuck is sitting on a crate and Tom is standing and looking at his watch.)  
  
Tom: Upchuck get off the shipment.  
  
Upchuck: Why do people want this stuff? It doesn't make them horny.  
  
Tom: I bet you tried.  
  
Upchuck: I was out of my usually stuff.  
  
Tom: (growing impatient) Where is the new client?  
  
A woman: (your only hear the voice) Over here.  
  
(The camera turn around and zoom into a dark figure. A woman, that look like Lucy Liu, is lending on the door post and then, she walks to where Tom and Upchuck is)  
  
Upchuck: Feisty!  
  
Tom: Hi, I'm Tom Sloane. You?  
  
Woman: Call me Angela Li.  
  
Upchuck: Like the school principal of Lawndale High.  
  
Li: Yes.  
  
Tom: I though you were in jail.  
  
Li: I was good, so they let me out.  
  
Upchuck: But were you...  
  
Li: Plastic surgery does wonders.  
  
Upchuck: Feisty!  
  
Li: Were's the stuff?  
  
Tom: Right here.  
  
(Pull open the lid, but you do not see inside)  
  
Li: You got the good stuff.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Scene Three  
Lane's Living Room  
  
(Katie and Wind are on the couch)  
  
Wind: Bulma is so hot!  
  
Katie: She's going to marry Vegeta.  
  
Wind: But I want to marry her!  
  
Katie: They have a son name Trunks.  
  
Wind: She's so pretty.  
  
Katie: She's a cartoon character.  
  
Wind: So.  
  
Katie: So. She isn't not real.  
  
Wind: So.  
  
Katie: (getting mad) So. You can't marry her(pause) Know what, you can marry her in an alternate universe, but you will need a time machine.  
  
Wind: A time machine?  
  
Katie: (getting annoyed) Yeah! A machine that can travel in time.  
  
Wind: But how. (puts his hand on his chin and pondering)  
  
Katie: Know what? I'm leaving.  
  
(The camera follows Katie to Jane's room. She knocks.)  
  
Katie: Aunt Janey.  
  
Jane: Busy.  
  
Ray: Yeah. We're busy.  
  
Katie: Okay.  
  
(Katie walks to her parents room and knocks)  
  
Katie: Mom.  
  
Quinn: Come in.  
  
(Katie walks in)  
  
Katie: Mom, what are you doing?  
  
Quinn: Organizing my socks by color, wanna help?  
  
Katie: No way.  
  
Quinn: It will be good mother and daughter bonding.  
  
Katie: I'm leaving now.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Scene Four  
A Grocery Store  
  
(Penny and Katie is walking down the aisle)  
  
Katie: Why am I here?  
  
Penny: You said you had nothing to do.  
  
Katie: Okay. What are we looking for again?  
  
Penny: Straws that bend at the end.  
  
Katie: (picks up a box) Like this.  
  
Penny: Perfect. Now we need toothpicks.  
  
Katie: I look down this aisle and you look down that one.  
  
Penny: Okay.  
  
(Penny went down an aisle and Katie went down an other. Tom and a Staci is making out in the aisle the Katie went down.)  
  
Katie: If I had a camera. Wait I do. (take her backpack for her back and look through it. She takes out a camera.)  
  
Katie: Say cheese, Uncle Tom. (she took a picture)  
  
Tom: You little brat.  
  
Staci: Don't you be mean to this cute little girl.  
  
Katie: Yeah, don't be mean to me.  
  
Tom: What's your price?  
  
Katie: 100.  
  
Tom: 5.  
  
Katie: 95  
  
Tom: 20.  
  
Katie: 50.  
  
Tom: 40. No more.  
  
Katie: Okay.  
  
(Tom takes out his wallet and gave Katie two 20s.)  
  
Katie: I was only asking for a 100 pennies, but this is good.  
  
Tom: You little...  
  
Katie: I got to go, I have to get some toothpicks. Bye.  
  
(Katie skips to the end of the aisle)  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Five  
Doctor Office  
  
(Daria is sitting in a chair and the doctor walks in)  
  
Doctor: Hello, Mrs. Sloane.  
  
Daria: Doctor.  
  
(Doctor sits down it a chair)  
  
Doctor: We got you test results back.  
  
Daria: And?  
  
Doctor: Congratulations you are having a baby.  
  
Daria: What? How can this happen?  
  
Doctor: You've had sex within the past few months??  
  
Daria: Yeah!  
  
Doctor: So, what are you worrying about?  
  
Daria: I don't have time for a baby.  
  
Doctor: You don't have to have it.  
  
Daria: You mean an abortion.  
  
Doctor: Yes.  
  
Daria: I can't do that. I'll just have it.  
  
Doctor: Okay. Think about okay. It sounds like you don't want it.  
  
Daria: I'll think about it.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene 6  
Lane's Living Room  
  
(Katie is on the couch and Wind runs in)  
  
Wind: Katie you got to see this.  
  
Katie: What is it? I have important things to do.  
  
Wind: Come see.  
  
(Wind and Katie runs to Wind's room. There is a machine in the middle of the room.)  
  
Katie: What is it?  
  
Wind: A time machine.  
  
Katie: (in disbelieve) A time machine.  
  
Wind: (excite) Yeah!  
  
Katie: You're wasting valuable t.v. time.  
  
Wind: Wanna use it?  
  
Katie: Why not?  
  
Wind: Okay. Let me open it up.  
  
(Wind press some button on the machine and it opened up. Katie and Wind went inside and the door closes)  
  
Katie: Now what.  
  
Wind: I just put in where I want to go and it takes me there. (Wind press a button) We are here.  
  
Katie: That's it. I'm leaving.  
  
(The door open and there are in the middle of the Cell Games)  
  
Katie: Let's go.  
  
(The door closes)  
  
Katie: You are useful after all. (grins evily)  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Starring (In alphabetical order)  
  
Jane-------------------------------------------------------------------Jane Lane  
Trent-----------------------------------------------------------------Trent Lane  
Wind------------------------------------------------------------------ Wind Lane  
Daria-------------------------------------------------------Jennifer Love-Hewitt  
Quinn--------------------------------------------------------Quinn Morgendorffer  
Upchuck--------------------------------------------------Charles Ruttherimer III  
Tom-------------------------------------------------------------------Tom Sloane  
Katie----------------------Some girl we find on the street and she can act, too.   
  
Guest Starring (In alphabetical order)  
  
Amanda---------------------------------------------------------------Amanda Lane  
Vincent-------------------------------------------------------------Vincent Lane  
Angela Li---------------------------------------------------------------Lucy Liu  
Ray--------------------------------------------------------------------Some dude   
Staci-----------------------------------------------------------------Staci Rowe  
Doctor-----------------------------------------Some Doctor from General Hopsital  
  
Writer------------------------------------------Neo-Queen Terra of Crystal Tokyo 


	3. 3

Disclaimer: Katie: Neo-Queen Terra of Crystal Tokyo doesn't own Daria, Dragonball Z, and MTV which means she doesn't write for any of them.  
  
Terra: That's why MTV keeps kicking me out.  
  
Katie: Did someone hit you with a stupid stick when you were born?  
  
Terra: Do not talk to me like that! I made you and I can break you.  
  
Katie: You can't do that, I'm one of the main characters.  
  
Terra: Do I have to remind you that this is a soap opera and I can kill you off if I wanted to?  
  
Katie: Oh yeah! (sucking up) You are the best fan-fic writer ever.  
  
Terra: I know I am.  
  
center"Daria: The 7th Season"  
Episode Three  
"Pranks"  
  
The opening theme  
"It Wasn't Me"  
Sung by. Shaggy  
  
Honey came in and she caught me red-handed  
Creeping with the girl next door  
Picture this we were both butt-naked  
Banging on the bathroom floor  
How could I forget  
That I had given her an extra key  
All this time she was standing there  
She never took her eyes off me/center  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene One  
Sloane's Bedroom  
  
(Daria and Tom are sleeping in the bed. Then, Wind and Katie walks in wearing all black. Wind is holding a big bag.)  
  
Katie: (whispering) Go to the bathroom and take Tom's mouthwash and put this in it. (Takes a plastic bag with some pills in it) Got it?  
  
Wind: (whispering) Yeah.  
  
(Wind leaves and Katie goes to Tom's side of the bed and goes to the alarm clock and unplugs it and then, plugs it back in. Sets it to 1:00. Wind comes back.)  
  
Katie: (still whispering) Get the shaving cream from the bag and the feather.  
  
(Wind digs through the bag and get the shaving cream and the feather and hands it to Katie)  
  
Katie: (still whispering) Now get the cup and fill it with warm water.  
  
Wind: (a little above whispering) Okay.  
  
(Wind leaves and Katie put the shaving cream in Tom's hands and tickles his face with the feather. Then, Tom slap the place the feather is and soon there was shaving cream all over his face. Wind comes back with the water. Katie puts it in on the night stand and put Tom's hand in it.)  
  
Katie: (whispering) We're done here, lets go.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Two  
MTV's Conference Room  
  
(Trent is sleeping in his chair with his feet on the table. Two other people are in the room.)  
  
Napalm: Trent, wake up.  
  
Trent: What?  
  
Terra: Trent, that is the fifth time you fallen asleep, it's like you don't think this is important.  
  
Trent: What's important?  
  
Napalm: Flossing. But that's a different story.  
  
Terra: (slowly, pronouncing each symbol slowly) We are deciding to move the show to a different place.  
  
Trent: What place?  
  
Terra: (getting annoyed) Your hometown.  
  
Trent: I have a hometown.  
  
Terra: (mad) Lawndale. Your hometown is Lawndale. Lawndale. Can you get that through your little head? (walks out mad)  
  
Trent: Is she like that all the time.  
  
Napalm: Its worst. Try living near her.  
  
Trent: You near her?  
  
Napalm: She is my sister.  
  
Terra: (yelling for another room) You're my cousin's uncle's niece's mother's brother's roommate.  
  
Trent: She sounds like my wife.  
  
Napalm: If I had feelings, I feel sorry for you, but I don't.  
  
(David Sorenson walks in) (Watch Daria: Is It Fall Yet? to find out who he is)  
  
David: Napalm, The Schedule Monkey want to see you in his office.  
  
Napalm: He decide to tell me before he replace my show with Real World?  
  
David: I don't know, why. Trent, you're wanted at on line 2.  
  
Trent: Thanks. You remind me of somebody.  
  
David: People say I look like Carson.  
  
Trent: No. You remind me of the that producer, David.  
  
David: That's me.  
  
Trent: Oh yeah!  
  
David: Are you on something?  
  
Trent: On what?  
  
David: Never mind. Got to go.  
  
(David leaves. Trent picks up the phone)  
  
Trent: Trent here.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Three  
Lane's Kitchen  
  
(Katie is sitting on the chair and Quinn is walking back and forth)  
  
Katie: It wasn't me. Honest.  
  
Quinn: (stops and look at Katie) Like I'll believe that.  
  
Katie: Why would I want to waste my time to do pranks on my dear Uncle Tom?  
  
Quinn: This is the 4th time this month.  
  
Katie: But this time it wasn't me.  
  
Quinn: And it wasn't you the last three times either.  
  
Katie: Yeah!  
  
Quinn: Katie.  
  
Katie: But Mom!  
  
Quinn: Katie Lane, you're grounded. No going out, no playing with Wind, no computer, and no Dragonball Z for a week.  
  
Katie: NNNNNNNNNNoooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (on her knees begging) Please I beg of you please don't take Dragonball Z away from me. I will do anything. I will clean the mess I made at Uncle Tom's, I will do the dishes, I will clean your room, organize everything, but please don't take away Dragonball Z. PPPPPPPllllllllleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeeee.   
  
Quinn: It's only a cartoon.  
  
Katie: Only a cartoon, only a cartoon! It's not only a cartoon, it's the greatest show ever.  
  
Quinn: It's not.  
  
Katie: Why don't you just ripe out my heart and serve it to me on a golden platter?  
  
Quinn: Are you being little over dramatic?  
  
Katie: I will die if I don't see Dragonball Z for a week. Just die. (grabs her chest and falls to the ground)  
  
(Jane walks in)  
  
Jane: She can't watch DBZ for a week. Right.  
  
Katie: (still on the ground with her left hand up) Elizabeth, I'm coming to see you. (stops moving and acts dead)  
  
Quinn: Katie get off the floor.  
  
Katie: Not until I get to watch DBZ.  
  
Jane: I taped them for you.  
  
Katie: It's not the same. I got to watch it everyday I can, besides I saw these episodes already.  
  
Quinn: So, what's the problem?  
  
Katie: I need to help Wind. He is not ready to watch it all alone yet. He needs help. He is like a baby in the world of Dragonball Z. He's not ready to go out in the world alone, yet.  
  
Quinn: Yeah right.  
  
Katie: I'm not lying.  
  
Jane: Give it up you will never win, Katie.  
  
Katie: All right, I give up DBZ but only for a week.  
  
Jane: I bet you can't last a day.  
  
Katie: Why don't put your money where your mouth is?  
  
Jane: I think I will. I will give you 10 bucks for a week.  
  
Katie: 20.  
  
Jane: You're that sure about yourself, lets make it 50.  
  
Katie: Fine with me.  
  
Quinn: Katie, you can't bet on this.  
  
Katie: Great! Now I can't bet on stuff. Why don't make me live with Uncle Tom or your parents?  
  
Jane: Don't give her ideas.   
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Four  
Sloane's Living Room  
  
(Daria is on the couch looking out a letter. Tom walks in)  
  
Tom: Hi, honey. Anything new?  
  
Daria: I got big news.  
  
Tom: What?  
  
Daria: I don't know how to say this.  
  
Tom: You didn't break the law or anything like that.  
  
Daria: No, but...  
  
Tom: Just tell me.  
  
Daria: I'm pregnant.  
  
Tom: (excited) You're pregnant. I'm going to be a father. This is great.  
  
Daria: (shocked) You are excited!  
  
Tom: Yeah!  
  
Daria: I don't know what to say.  
  
Tom: I need to call everyone.  
  
Daria: I don't what nobody to know just yet. I want to wait a month or so.  
  
Tom: Okay.  
  
Daria: You're going to be late for work.  
  
Tom: Yeah! I need to go. (kiss Daria on the cheek)  
  
Daria: Bye, honey.  
  
Tom: Bye.  
  
(Tom leaves. Daria pick up the phone and dial a number)  
  
Upchuck on the other end: Upchuck's House of Love.  
  
Daria: Hey, Upchuck. It's me, Daria.  
  
Upchuck: Hello, my love goddess.  
  
Daria: I got some news I need to tell you.  
  
Upchuck: Yes, my most feistiest lady. (grrrr)  
  
Daria: I'm pregnant.  
  
Upchuck: So. It's Tom's, right.  
  
Daria: I don't know. It maybe yours.  
  
Upchuck: What do you mean?  
  
Daria: I mean this baby could be yours.  
  
Upchuck: That's not good.  
  
Daria: I can't see you anymore. I think this baby can help my marriage.  
  
Upchuck: It's fine with me, but hear this. You will find nobody like me.  
  
Daria: I know that. I got to go. Bye (Daria hangs up)  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Five  
Katie's Bedroom  
  
(Katie is on the bed. Wind walks in)  
  
Wind: What's wrong?  
  
Katie: I'm in trouble for what we did this morning and now I can't watch DBZ.  
  
Wind: I feel sorry for you.  
  
Katie: I wish I can be with my dad. Wait I can. Oh Wind do you have a credit card?  
  
Wind: Yeah. Why?  
  
Katie: I need to borrow it.  
  
Wind: For what?  
  
Katie: A one way trip to New York.  
  
Wind: Why are you going there?  
  
Katie: My daddy called me and ask me to go there to see him and I need you to take me to the airport and buy the ticket because he is too busy to do it and my mommy is busy to.  
  
Wind: Okay.  
  
Katie: Let go now, I'm all packed.  
  
Wind: Okay!  
  
(Katie picks up a little suitcase and a backpack and she and Wind go to the Wind's car and gets in)  
  
Katie: Can I turn on some music?  
  
Wind: Sure.  
  
(Katie turn on the radio and N'Sync is playing)  
  
Katie: How can you listen to this stuff? It's too cheery.  
  
(Katie turn the dial and rock music begin to play)  
  
Katie: This is what I'm talking about.  
  
Wind: I prefer Britany Spears.  
  
Katie: Don't say that name. It's evil.  
  
Wind: What Britany...  
  
Katie: (holds her ear) Lalalalalalalalalala. I not hearing you.  
  
Wind: Okay.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Six  
MTV's Lobby  
  
(Katie walks in and goes to the counter where a woman is sitting behind.)  
  
Katie: Excuse me. I'm here to see Trent Lane.  
  
Woman: Where're your parents little girl?  
  
Katie: Trent is my father.  
  
Woman: And I'm the Queen of England.  
  
Katie: (sarcasm) You are. I always wanted to meet you. If you just let me through.  
  
Woman: Nice try.  
  
(David walks in from the elevator)  
  
David: Those two girls are coming in, Carson invited up.  
  
Katie: My dad is waiting for me.  
  
Woman: If Trent was your dad, you would know that he is going home.  
  
Katie: He's in Lawndale?  
  
David: How did you know Trent lives in Lawndale?  
  
Katie: I'm his daughter, Katie.  
  
David: You are Katie, then why are you doing here?  
  
Katie: I came to surprise my daddy.  
  
David: Let me take you upstairs so we can talk in private and you can call your mother.  
  
Katie: Okay.  
  
(David leads Katie upstairs. Then a guy runs up)  
  
The Guy: David, you are wanted on the set.  
  
David: Okay. Be there in a minute.  
  
The Guy: Okay.  
  
(The guy leaves)  
  
David: You can stay in here.  
  
(Takes Katie in the green room. And Britany Spears is sitting on the couch.)  
  
Katie: (turns her head and makes a x with her fingers over Britany) Evil. Evil.  
  
David: You have to stay here until I come back.  
  
Katie: Please don't make me stay here with her.  
  
David: It will be okay.  
  
(David leaves)  
  
Britany: Hi, I'm Britany Spears.  
  
Katie: NNNNNNNNNooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
Starring (In alphabetical order)  
  
Jane-------------------------------------------------------------------Jane Lane  
Katie-------------------------Katie Lane (We finally found out what her name is)  
Trent-----------------------------------------------------------------Trent Lane  
Wind------------------------------------------------------------------ Wind Lane  
Daria-------------------------------------------------------Jennifer Love-Hewitt  
Quinn--------------------------------------------------------Quinn Morgendorffer  
Upchuck--------------------------------------------------Charles Ruttherimer III  
Tom-------------------------------------------------------------------Tom Sloane  
  
Guest Starring (In alphabetical order)  
  
Napalm Krigbaum--------------------------------------------------Napalm Krigbaum  
David Sorenson----------------------------------------------------David Sorenson  
Britany Spears----------------------------------------------------Britany Spears  
Neo-Queen Terra of Crystal Tokyo----------------Neo-Queen Terra of Crystal Tokyo  
The Guy----------------------------------------------------------Some Guy at MTV  
Woman----------------------------------------------------------Some Woman at MTV  
  
Writer------------------------------------------Neo-Queen Terra of Crystal Tokyo  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The Schedule Monkey is Napalm Krigbaum's character, so you can't use him with out his permission. 


	4. 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Daria or anything else I mention. Know what I own nada, except for the story basically, and Katie. Muhahahahahahahahaha!  
Katie: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
WARNING: It is a soap opera. Humorous purposes only.   
  
centerDaria: The 7th Season  
Episode 4  
"New York, New York"  
  
Opening Theme  
It Wasn't Me  
Sung by. Shaggy  
  
Honey came in and she caught me red-handed  
Creeping with the girl next door  
Picture this we were both butt-naked  
Banging on the bathroom floor  
How can I forget  
That I had given her an extra key  
All this time she standing there  
She never took her eye off me/center  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene One  
MTV's Green Room  
  
(Katie's on the couch with Britany Spears and David walks in)  
  
David: Britany, youre wanted on set.  
  
Britany: (with a flat voice) Why? It's just a stupid show that my video on average is number 3.  
  
David: What happened to her?  
  
Katie: We had a little talk   
  
David: About what?  
  
Katie: On life and how it sucks.  
  
David: Never talk to any celebrities.  
  
Katie: It took you that long to realize that.  
  
David: Let's call you parents.  
  
Katie: Okay.  
  
(Katie picks up the phone and dial a number)  
  
Quinn on the other end: Hello...  
  
Katie: Hello mom.  
  
Quinn: You've reach the Lane's resident, we are not here now, if you leave your name and number, we may get back to you.  
  
Katie: Hey Mom, I'm in New York. Don't worry, I'll be back by tomorrow. Later!  
  
(Katie hangs up)  
  
David: So, was your mom there?  
  
Katie: Yeah she said I can stay here as long as I want. What did you think?  
  
David: She's not home. You are going on the next flight to where ever you're from.  
  
Katie: L.A.  
  
David: You're not from there, you're from Lawndale.  
  
Katie: How do you know that?  
  
David: Because I know Trent is from there, and (mumbles quickly) I'm from there.  
  
Katie: What you're from Lawndale? (grins evily and then, does a puppy dog look) I can't go back on the plane all by myself. I'm to sacred.  
  
David: How did you get here?  
  
Katie: By plane, but I use all my courage to get here and I don't have any left.  
  
David: I just can have an intern go with you.  
  
Katie: I don't trust interns. Why don't you come with me? You know Lawndale.  
  
David: I don't think so.  
  
Katie: PPPPPPlllllleeeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeeee!!!!!!  
  
David: Okay.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Two  
The Lane's Living Room  
  
(Quinn is sitting on the couch watching t.v.)  
  
Quinn: Finally I can watch t.v. without Katie criticizing everything I watch.  
  
(Trent walks in)  
  
Trent: Hey, Quinn.  
  
Quinn: Hi, Trent. (gets a thinking look on her face) Are you suppose to be in New York?  
  
Trent: They moved the show here.  
  
Quinn: They did. (gets up and hugs Trent) Now we can have more time together. (kisses Trent.)  
  
Trent: Yeah. Where's Katie?  
  
Quinn: Probably in her room.  
  
Trent: At this time?  
  
Quinn: She's being punished for pranking Tom.  
  
Trent: I'm going to say hi to her.  
  
Quinn: Okay.  
  
(Trent goes upstairs to Katie room. He opens the door and looks in)  
  
Trent: She's not here.  
  
(Go downstairs and Wind comes through the door)  
  
Trent: Hey, Wind.  
  
Wind: Hi!  
  
Trent: Do you know where Katie is?  
  
Wind: With you in New York.  
  
Trent: In New York.  
  
Wind: Yeah! I dump her off for the plane a couple of hours ago.   
  
Trent: So she's in New York by herself.  
  
Wind: Yeah.  
  
Trent: (angry) You let her go to New York. Quinn, come here?  
  
(Quinn walks to Trent)   
  
Quinn: Yes, honey.  
  
Trent: Did you know that Katie's in New York?  
  
Quinn: What?!?  
  
Trent: (points at Wind) And he took her to the airport. (points at Wind) Bad, bad Wind!  
  
Wind: (wimpers like a dog)I'm sorry!  
  
(The message machine comes on)  
  
Quinn on the machine: Hello, you've reached the Lane's residence, we are not here now, if you leave your name and number, we may get back to you.  
  
Katie: Hey Mom, I'm in New York. Don't worry, I'll be back by tomorrow. Later!  
  
(They run to the phone.)  
  
Quinn: (freaky out) My little girl is in New York be herself.  
  
Trent: She'll be okay.  
  
Quinn: (freaking out) She'll be okay? She's five.  
  
Trent: She's a Lane, we're just as at home anywhere. Besides, she's Katie.  
  
Quinn: (a little calmer) Yeah, she'll be fine. There is no need to worry that my five year old girl is in New York (freak out again) ALONE!  
  
(Quinn goes to the kitchen and pulls everything out from the refrigerator. Then starts putting things in groups by type and color.)  
  
Trent: Quinn calm down.  
  
Quinn: Calm down, calm down. I can't calm down.  
  
Trent: Can you stop organizing?  
  
Quinn: Okay. I need to go shopping. Credit card, please? (puts out her hand)  
  
Trent: (pulls out his wallet from his pocket and gives Quinn a couple of credit cards.) Here.  
  
Quinn: Thanks.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Three  
A Jet  
  
(Katie and David are sitting in there sits next to each other in couch)  
  
Katie: Flying is so cool!  
  
David: I though you're afraid of flying?  
  
Katie: I'm not afraid of anything.  
  
David: Then why did you want me to come?  
  
Katie: You said you're from Lawndale, so I decided you need to come home.  
  
David: You're evil.  
  
Katie: Thank you. Did you ever see the movie "Final Destination"?  
  
David: Yeah!  
  
Katie: Do you remember the scene when the airplane crashed?  
  
David: I tried to forget it when I'm on a plane.  
  
Katie: Okay. Did you ever seen the video for "Learning to Fly" by the Foo Fighters and everybody except the band got high off the coffee and the band had to learn to fly? (laughing) That was funny.  
  
David: Yeah, whatever.  
  
Katie: Did you see that show about Airplane crashes?  
  
David: Thankfully, no.  
  
Katie: You didn't. It was so cool. I have it on tape, you can borrow it.  
  
David: No thanks.  
  
Katie: My favorite kind of movies are when terrorist take over a plane. I have a collection of them.   
  
David: Can you stop talking about planes?  
  
Katie: Okay.  
  
Stewardess: The in-flight movie is about to come on.  
  
Katie: This is one of my favorites.  
  
David: What is it?  
  
Katie: Passenger 57.  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Commercial  
  
Terra: Hey! How are you guys in never-never land? I'm here to say, Just say No! to sucking episode of Daria. Remember 5 as 1, Suck don't watch!  
  
(This announcement is paid for by the stolen money from the National Cynic's Party)  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Four  
The Lane's Living Room  
  
(Trent is sleeping, I mean 'practicing', on the couch with his guitar. Katie and David walks in.)  
  
Katie: Daddy!  
  
Trent: (wakes-up) Katie, when did you get back?  
  
Katie: Just now.   
  
Trent: Did you tell your mom?  
  
Katie: I haven't seen her.  
  
(Quinn walks in)  
  
Quinn: Katie. (runs to Katie and starts hugging her) I was so worry about you! (stops hugging) You're in big trouble.  
  
David: (surprise) Quinn, you're Katie's mother?  
  
Quinn: David, what are you doing here?  
  
David: I brought your daughter here.  
  
Quinn: I'm so sorry for anything Katie did to you.  
  
Trent: Do you guys know each other?  
  
David: I tutored her for a summer.  
  
Quinn: Yeah.  
  
David: I can't believe you married Trent. I though you would marry one of those guys that are always around you.  
  
Quinn: No.  
  
(They walk away talking.)  
  
Katie: Yes, I'm not being punish!  
  
(You hear the front door opening and Jake walks in the living room.)  
  
Jake: Hey, kiddo. I'm here to pick you up. You're staying at my house tonight.  
  
(Katie screams. The camera zoom out of the house, then to a bird eye view of Lawndale, and then the earth and the whole time you hear Katie still screaming.)  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
Starring (In alphabetical order)  
  
Jane-------------------------------------------------------------------Jane Lane  
Katie-------------------------Katie Lane (We finally found out what her name is)  
Trent-----------------------------------------------------------------Trent Lane  
Wind------------------------------------------------------------------ Wind Lane  
Daria-------------------------------------------------------Jennifer Love-Hewitt  
Quinn--------------------------------------------------------Quinn Morgendorffer  
Upchuck--------------------------------------------------Charles Ruttherimer III  
Tom-------------------------------------------------------------------Tom Sloane  
  
Guest Starring (In alphabetical order)  
  
David Sorenson----------------------------------------------------David Sorenson  
Britany Spears----------------------------------------------------Britany Spears  
Stewardess--------------------------------Some Stewardess from American Airlines  
  
Writer------------------------------------------Neo-Queen Terra of Crystal Tokyo  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 


	5. 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Daria or anything else I mention. Know what I own nada, expect the story basically, and Katie. Muhahahahahahahahaha!  
Katie: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
WARNING: It is a soap opera. Humorous purposes only.   
  
centerDaria: The 7th Season  
Episode 5  
"Secrets Revealed"  
  
Opening Theme  
It Wasn't Me  
Sung by. Shaggy  
  
Honey came in and she caught me re-handed  
Creeping with the girl next door  
Picture this we were both butt-naked  
Banging on the bathroom floor  
How can I forget  
That I had given her an extra key  
All this time she standing there  
She never took her eye off me/center  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene One  
Mr. Barch's Kindergarten Class  
  
(Mr. Barch is sitting at his desk. Then, the bell rings and about 16 kindergartens run in and takes their seats. Katie is one of the kids. Katie is sitting at a table with 3 other people. Across from her is a shy boy with blonde hair named Ashley Barch, next to her a mini Upchuck named Charles Ruttherimer, and across from Charles, a girl with brown hair that is wearing the in thing named Jenny Richardson.)  
  
Mr. Barch: Okay class, today we learn about the letter Z. Do any body knows what starts with Z?  
  
(Charles raises his hand.)  
  
Mr. Barch: Charles, do you have a word that starts with Z?  
  
Charles: No, I need to go the bathroom.  
  
Mr. Barch: You should have gone before class starts.  
  
Charles: But I didn't need to go then, but I need to go now.  
  
Mr. Barch: Okay, you can go to the bathroom.  
  
(Charles gets up and runs out of the class room.)  
  
Mr. Barch: Does anybody has a word that starts with Z? Katie?  
  
Katie: Zebra.  
  
Jenny: (whispers) Teacher pet.  
  
Katie: What did you call me?  
  
Jenny: You heard me.  
  
Katie: I'm not a teacher pet.  
  
Jenny: Yes, you are.  
  
Mr. Barch: Please stop fighting, you're disrupting the class.  
  
Jenny: We finish this at lunch.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Two  
The Lawndale Elementary Playground  
  
(Katie is sitting on a swing. A group of girls, led by Jenny, walks by)  
  
Girls: Teacher Pet, Teacher Pet.  
  
Katie: At least I'm not the Class Brat.  
  
Jenny: You're such a loser.  
  
Katie: It takes one to know one.  
  
Jenny: Whatever. Let go girls.  
  
(Ashley walks up)  
  
Ashley: Hey, Katie.  
  
Katie: What do you want?  
  
Ashley: Nothing. Is this swinger taken?  
  
Katie: No.  
  
(Ashley sits down on the swinger next to her.)  
  
Jenny and Her Friends: Look Katie has a boyfriend. Katie and Ashley sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First come love, then marriage, then comes the baby in a baby carriage.   
  
(Katie jumps off the swing, runs to Jenny and punches her in the right eye.)  
  
Jenny: You're in so much trouble.  
  
Katie: Why?   
  
Jenny: Because you are. Wait until my brother finds out.  
  
Katie: Why? Is he going to beat me up? Ha! He can't. I'm the ruler of the universe and if he hurt me, my three-headed dog will eat him.  
  
Jenny: You're the ruler of the universe, yeah right.  
  
Katie: You're just jealous.  
  
Jenny: Me jealous of you. (starts to laugh)  
  
(Then her friends starts to laugh to.)  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Scene Three  
Wind's Room  
  
(Katie in there setting up the time machine. Then, Ray comes in.)  
  
Ray: What are you doing?  
  
Katie: None of your business.  
  
Ray: This is Wind's room and Wind is not here so you are not allow to be in here.  
  
Katie: So? I got a year-round pass. (takes a card from her pocket and then shows it to Ray) Where's yours?  
  
Ray: Whatever. So, what's that?  
  
Katie: A time machine happy, so leave.  
  
Ray: Cool! So where are you going?  
  
Katie: Future. Bye.  
  
Ray: Can I come?  
  
Katie: No!  
  
Ray: Then, I going to tell your mother.  
  
Katie: Okay.  
  
(They walks in the time machine, and shuts the door. Then the door opens and they walk out. They are in front of a club. There is a Mystic Spiral poster on the door and over a big Sold-Out sign.)  
  
Katie: Cool! Mystic Spiral is back. Let see if we can get in.  
  
Ray: Okay.  
  
(They open the door and walk in. A bouncer is on the other end.)  
  
Katie: We like to see Mystic Spiral.  
  
Bouncer: Yeah and everybody else. Do you have a ticket?  
  
Katie: I don't need one. I'm the daughter of the lead singer.  
  
Bouncer: Yeah right. I grow-up with the lead singer and I know for a fact she doesn't have a daughter.  
  
Katie: I demand to see them.  
  
Bouncer: How old are you? You must be 21 to get in.  
  
A 20 year old Katie: Oh, she is with me. She's my cousin.  
  
Bouncer: This is Wind's daughter.   
  
Katie: What are you talking about?  
  
Future Katie: Come on, let's go backstage.  
  
Bouncer: What about this guy?  
  
Future Katie: Kick him out.  
  
Ray: But I'm with her.  
  
Katie: Who are you?  
  
Ray: You're in trouble, Katie.  
  
Katie: Whatever.  
  
(The bouncer throws Ray out of the club. Both Katies walks to the backstage into her dressing room.)  
  
Katie: Who are you?  
  
Future Katie: I'm you in the future.  
  
Katie: Cool. Who dressing room is this?  
  
Future Katie: Mine. I'm the leader singer for Mystic Spiral.  
  
Katie: You are, I mean me. Cool.  
  
(Someone knocks on the door.)  
  
Future Katie: Who is it?  
  
Guy: Flowers for a Miss Katie Lane.  
  
(Future Katie opens the door and a guy is standing there with a dozen roses.)  
  
Future Katie: That will be me.  
  
(Guy hands her the flowers.)  
  
Guy: Here you go.  
  
Future Katie: Thanks.  
  
(Shuts the door and puts the flowers in a vase.)  
  
Katie: Who are they from?  
  
Future Katie: Do you remember Ashley Barch?  
  
Katie: Yeah, why?  
  
Future Katie: He's in a boy band now called Boys 'R Us.  
  
Katie: What does that have to do with the flowers?  
  
Future Katie: He send them to me. We're engaged.  
  
Katie: What!  
  
Future Katie: We dated in Jr. High then in High School I dated Kevin Jr. until Senior Year then he dump me and went to college. After that I got back together with Ashley.  
  
Katie: I dated Kevin Jr. Gross!  
  
Future Katie: I just did that to make Jenny mad.  
  
Katie: That's okay. How about Wind?  
  
Future Katie: When we were 14, he got married to lucky number 10, Aunt Amber, had a daughter and still married to her to this day.  
  
Katie: Whoa. How about Jenny?  
  
Future Katie: Fashion Model.  
  
Katie: Figures. Charles?  
  
Future Katie: Gay.  
  
Katie: You lying.  
  
Future Katie: I kid you not.  
  
Katie: Okay. My parents.  
  
Future Katie: Still together.  
  
Katie: Aunt Janey?  
  
Future Katie: I think she's in Rome.  
  
Katie: Aunt Daria?  
  
Future Katie: Divorce Tom when I were 10. Some pictures somehow got send to her.  
  
Katie: I wonder how. Uncle Tom, how about him?  
  
Future Katie: I don't know how to tell you this.  
  
Katie: What?  
  
Future Katie: He's our father.  
  
Katie: What? (faints)  
  
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Commercial  
  
Just what? Your favorite 5 year old has her own e-mail. Yes, Katie Lane has an e-mail. E-mail your fan-mail to katielane_rulerofuniverse@go.com.  
  
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Scene Four  
(Katie's Dressing Room)  
  
Future Katie: Are you okay?  
  
Katie: It can't be true.  
  
Future Katie: It is.  
  
Katie: NNNNNooooo!!!!!  
  
Future Katie: At least something good came out it.  
  
Katie: Nothing good can come out of it.  
  
Future Katie: What about the sound of a thousand dollars per month?  
  
Katie: What do you mean?  
  
Future Katie: Let me just say that a certain somebody didn't want it to leak out.  
  
Katie: I can buy lot of junk with a thousand dollars.  
  
Future Katie: Yeah. You know how much a guitar is?  
  
(Somebody knocks on her door)  
  
Guy: Katie, you have 5 minutes before going on stage.  
  
Future Katie: Thanks. Come on, Katie. We need to find you a place to watch the concert.  
  
(They left the room. Walks in the club to the bar.)  
  
Future Katie: Hey, Bob watch her please.  
  
Bob: Anything for you.  
  
Future Katie: Thanks.  
  
(Future Katie leaves)  
  
Bob: What's your name?  
  
Katie: Katie.  
  
Bob: You're her cousin, right.  
  
Katie: Yeah.  
  
Bob: Want something to drink?  
  
Katie: Do you have a Cherry Coke?  
  
Bob: Would a Shirley Temple do?  
  
Katie: I guess.  
  
(The lights go down and the opening of Ow! My face starts to play. Then spotlight goes on Future Katie and the guitarist who looks identical to Jesse, but it actually his son. They are back to back. Then a spotlight goes on the bass, Future Katie's kid sister who's fifteen. Another spotlight goes on Max the drummer, the only original member of the Spiral left. Then the lights go up on the stage, and Trent starts to sing Ow! My Face center stage.)  
  
Katie: I thought I'm, I mean Katie is the lead singer.  
  
Bob: She is, but she lets her dad open for them.  
  
(The song ended and Future Katie walks center stage. She puts her arm around Trent and kisses him on the cheek.)  
  
Future Katie: He still has it after all this years. My dad everyone.  
  
(Trent walks off the stage, but not before his other daughter kisses him on the cheek. He goes to the side of the stage next to Quinn.)  
  
Katie: Refresh my memory, who's playing the bass?  
  
Bob: That's your cousin, Roxanne, Katie's sister.  
  
Katie: (whisper) I have a sister.  
  
Bob: What?  
  
Katie: Oh, thanks. Sometimes my memory just go. I think I getting Alzheimer or something like that.  
  
Bob: You're one strange kid.  
  
Katie: Thanks!  
  
(Mystik Spiral rocks out for two hours, then at the end Future Katie's guitar sets on fire and then she smashes it on the stage facing Max. Then she does the rock symbol on both hand facing backwards from the crowd and on the back of her jacket is Ruler of the Universe. The crowd goes wild.)  
  
Katie: I am the ruler of the universe. I'm so cool.  
  
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Scene Five  
Lawndale Elementary Playground  
  
(Katie on the swing. Then Jenny comes up with her brother Kevin Jr. and her 'friends'.)  
  
Jenny: There she is. She gave me the black eye.  
  
Kevin Jr.: Prepare for a beating.  
  
Katie: Sorry I don't fight with commoners. I'm the ruler of the universe, I have to set an example for the rest of the kids and I think knocking the lights out of you won't be a good one.  
  
Kevin Jr.: What?  
  
Katie: (smacks herself and whisper)I can't believe I will date him. I hope he gets some kind of a brain in high school.  
  
Jenny: What are you mumbling about?  
  
Katie: Nothing.  
  
Kevin Jr.: So are we going to fight or what?  
  
Katie: Did your mommy or daddy ever told you not to fight a girl?  
  
Kevin Jr.: My daddy did. Sorry Jenny I can't fight her. I'll be in big trouble if I did.  
  
(Kevin Jr. walks off)  
  
Jenny: (mad) I will get you Katie. So watch your back.  
  
(Jenny and her friends walks off)  
  
Katie: (yelling) Watch yours.  
  
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Scene Six  
Lane's Living Room  
  
(Katie and Trent are asleep on the couch. Then Jane walks in)  
  
Jane: Like father, like daughter.  
  
(Then the doorbell rings and Jane answers it. It's the deliver guy with a huge box)  
  
Deliverer Guy: Here's your package. So can you sign here.  
  
(Jane signs for the box and closes the door with it in her hands)  
  
Jane: (reads the label) Katie, you got a box from Amazon I see.  
  
(Katie wakes up and runs to Jane. Then she took the box from her. She sets it on the living room floor and opens it)  
  
Jane: What is it?  
  
Katie: Hendrix and Meatloaf, the coolest DVDs, and some little reading. (pulls out The Lords of the Rings books, all of the Dune books, Sun Tzu's Art of War, and The Prince)  
  
Jane: Yeah, some little reading. Where's Harry Potter?  
  
Katie: Harry Potter are for kids. I read them when I was three.  
  
Jane: Sure you did.  
  
Katie: Oh yeah I forget, How to speak Japanese books, tapes, and videos. Just for the reason I can what anime without the subtitle or the sucking dubs.  
  
Jane: You're one strange kid, you know.  
  
Katie: Thanks, Aunt Janey.  
  
Jane: And you take it as a compliment, you're strange indeed. Hey do you know where Ray is?  
  
Katie: Nope. Haven't seen him since yesterday.  
  
(Back in the future)  
  
Ray: Katie where are you?  
  
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End file.
